Potty Training Rewards: A Guide to Using Rewards Effectively (and Alternatives for Success)
The potty training journey is an adventure in growth and independence. From accidents to triumphs, many parents wonder if they should turn to a reward system to motivate their child. Are potty training rewards necessary, and is there a way to use them effectively?
The reality is, the potty training journey can be as unique as your child. The same potty training methods won’t work for every parent and learning what does and doesn’t work for your family is all part of the process.
This comprehensive guide from The Potty School covers the pros and cons of using a reward system, the most effective way to implement rewards, and alternative approaches parents can use to make the potty training experience positive for parents and children.
How Potty Training Rewards Can Help Your Child with Toilet Training
Even adults use rewards to motivate themselves. Have you ever congratulated yourself with a favorite food after sticking to your diet for a week or rewarded yourself with a purchase after getting a bonus at work? In your mind, you’ve earned these things. They are a reward, not a bribe for completing a task.
When used correctly, rewards have several advantages during the potty training process. Let’s take a look at the pros of toilet training rewards:
Positive Reinforcement - Your child’s early experience with potty training shapes their willingness to learn. By creating a positive association with bathroom habits through rewards, your child sees using the toilet as something they want to do, not something they have to do.
Motivation - Convincing a child to do something new is easier with proper motivation. Rewards can create excitement that encourages your little one to use the potty. Rewarding completion of a desired task (potty time) also reinforces positive association with good bathroom habits.
Engagement - Offering a reward that excites your child can make the potty training process, which is sometimes frustrating, feel more enjoyable. As your child engages with the potty training process, they learn to tune-in to their body and pay attention to cues that they need to use the restroom.
Goal Setting - Short-term goals like earning a reward offers instant gratification that stimulates the pleasure-and-reward center of the brain. This reinforces positive feelings toward toilet training and helps your little one understand expectations.
Boosted Confidence - When you reward your child for using the potty, they feel accomplished. This sense of accomplishment boosts confidence and self-esteem, reinforcing that they are on the right track and motivating them to continue doing their best.
For rewards to be successful, however, they must be consistent, immediate, and exclusive. Your child shouldn’t be able to earn that reward in any other way. It also has to offer that instant gratification that will reinforce their desire to use the potty.
Even with the potential positives of providing rewards for potty training, it’s important to be aware of possible downsides.
The Downsides: When Potty Training Rewards Don’t Work
Potty training rewards motivate some toddlers, but for others, they just don’t work. The instant gratification of rewards can negatively impact long-term toilet training success.
This doesn’t mean they don’t want to be a big boy or girl and use the potty. They just might not be capable of associating the reward with the pottying action.
When this happens and they cannot earn the reward that they want, it can lead to disappointment and other negative emotions that hinder the positive feelings we’d like our children to have about using the toilet. Here are some other disadvantages to consider:
Focus Shift - When your child is focused only on the reward, they aren’t necessarily building positive potty habits. These short-term benefits can hinder long-term success.
Overdependence - Some children rely on the reward itself to motivate them, rather than finding that motivation in using the potty and being excited about it. This causes problems because if they lose interest in the reward, they are less likely to use the toilet. They might also struggle with accidents when you eventually stop offering rewards once they are toilet trained.
Unsustainability - While smaller rewards like a piece of candy or a sticker might work for some kids, others might need larger or more expensive rewards for motivation. This is unsustainable because the costs can add up over the entire potty training journey.
Negative Emotions - Frustration and disappointment are very normal parts of the toilet training journey, especially if your child wants to be a “big boy” or “big girl” and use the toilet. When they don’t get rewards for going potty following an accident, this creates big feelings that can lead to tantrums and negative feelings about the potty training process.
The reality is that whether rewards work or not depends on your child. The potty training process differs for each kid, even when you’ve done it before. According to clinical director at Manhattan Psychology Group and child psychologist Francyne Zeltser, “not all children need a reward when they’re ready to potty train.”
Strategies for Making Potty Training Rewards Work
Every child develops differently, meaning what works for one doesn’t guarantee success. You may have even successfully trained your first child, only to become discouraged when the same technique doesn’t work for your headstrong second-born.
For parents who would like to try using rewards to motivate their child during potty training, here are strategies to maximize their effectiveness:
Choose the Right Rewards - Your child’s reward should be simple and age-appropriate. Small, immediate rewards offer instant gratification that creates positive reinforcement for potty time, such as a hand stamp, sticker, temporary tattoos, small toy, or candy. However, these rewards don’t have to be physical - 10 minutes of story time or celebrating their accomplishment also work!
Reward Efforts Instead of Results - Your child probably won’t be successful every time they use the bathroom. Their efforts and consistency must still be celebrated, as it encourages them to keep trying going forward.
Don’t Skip Positive Reinforcement - The way that you celebrate your child after their potty training efforts helps them associate positive emotions with going to the potty, even without external motivation. Clap, cheer, and let them know how proud you are.
Be Prepared to Phase-Out - Offering rewards for the potty isn’t something that’s supposed to last forever. Over time, decrease how frequently your child receives these rewards. You don’t have to stop cheering them on, though!
Having the right strategies in your corner can make a big difference in your potty training plan and ultimately, your child’s success. If you decide the rewards strategy is right for your family, keep things in mind.
Beyond Rewards: Alternative Strategies for Success
Rewarding positive potty habits has benefits like motivation, positive reinforcement, and establishing clear goals. However, the rewards strategy isn’t for every family. Some kids become overdependent on rewards, becoming so hyper-fixated that it causes frustration and tantrums when they don’t earn rewards.
The good news is that there are alternatives for motivating your child without rewards. If you’re looking for an effective potty training strategy that isn’t reliant on rewards, consider these:
Make the Bathroom a Positive Place: Positive reinforcement doesn’t have to be reward-oriented. Instead, let your child pick out their potty chair or cover it in stickers. Read books about potty training with some of their favorite characters. Opt for soft over harsh lighting to make the bathroom a calmer place and choose colorful, inviting decor.
Model What You Want to See - Allow your child to see mom or dad going to the bathroom and having a positive experience. You can also role-play with stuffed animals or dolls, helping your child realize that using the potty is a normal, common experience.
Have a Potty Routine - Routine and consistency are at the heart of successful potty training. Even when your little one isn’t successful when going to the potty, establishing a consistent schedule helps build positive habits and emotions toward toilet training.
Don’t Forget About Positive Reinforcement - Even without rewards, you should celebrate your child’s potty wins. Celebrate through warm smiles, hugs, or clapping when they try to use the bathroom. Remember to celebrate their efforts, not just when they successfully use the bathroom.
Get Help if They Need It - There’s nothing wrong with needing help on your child’s potty training journey. Sometimes, fear, constipation, or other factors hinder your child’s progress. If you suspect underlying issues, address them with your family pediatrician or a potty training consultant.
Choosing the Best Potty Training Approach for Your Child
Potty training is not a one-size-fits-all journey. Whether you use rewards or alternative strategies, the key is finding what works best for your child. Some little ones thrive with incentives, while others respond better to routines and encouragement. It comes down to their individual needs and personality.
The most important thing is to keep the experience positive, celebrate progress, and remain patient. By tuning into your child’s needs and adjusting your approach as necessary, you’ll help them build confidence and independence on their path to potty success.
Find out your potty training style here. by taking one of our quizzes.
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