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Here's a situation I hear about more than you might think.
A family is in the middle of potty training. Things are going reasonably well at home. Then Monday comes, the child goes to daycare or the nanny arrives, and by Tuesday afternoon, they're back in pull-ups — because nobody told the other adults what was happening, or what to do, or how to respond when things got messy.
The child isn't the variable. The coordination is.
If you're a nanny, au pair, daycare provider, or any caregiver who's been asked to help with potty training — or who's inherited a child mid-process — this post is for you. Not because it's complicated, but because most potty training advice is written for parents and completely ignores that you exist.
You are a critical part of this team. And I'd add: you're often the adult who sees the child most clearly. You notice things parents are too close to see. That makes you valuable — not just as a pair of hands implementing a plan, but as someone whose observations can genuinely shape what happens next.
Here's how to do this well.
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This comes first — every time, without exception.
Potty training only works when everyone in a child's world is doing the same thing. Same language, same schedule, same response to accidents. The moment you introduce a second approach — even a well-meaning one — you've given the child two competing realities to navigate. Toddlers default to the easier option. Every time.
Before you begin supporting potty training, have a direct conversation with the family. You need to know:
What words do they use? Not just "potty" vs. "bathroom" — but what do they call body parts? What phrase signals it's time to go? "It's potty time" lands differently than "Do you need to go?" — and the difference matters. Pick the same words and use them every time.
What's the schedule? Timed sits — taking the child to the toilet on a regular schedule rather than waiting for them to ask — are one of the most effective tools in early training. Ask when the family does sits and replicate it exactly on your watch.
What happens when there's an accident? The answer should be: calm, neutral, matter-of-fact. Help the child clean up. Change clothes. Move on. Accidents handled with big reactions (frustration or excessive comfort) slow the process down.
Are they using rewards? If so, what kind, and for what? A sticker chart that runs at home but disappears with the nanny sends a mixed message.
If the family hasn't started yet and is asking for your help figuring out an approach, point them to The Potty School's free Pottying Personality Quiz. It helps families identify which approach fits their child — and once they've done it, you're both working from the same starting point. Suggesting it is a simple, low-pressure way to be genuinely helpful before training even begins.
Let's be clear about something: your job is not to train the child. Your job is to be the most consistent adult in the child's day while you have them.
The training is happening all the time — every trip to the bathroom, every accident, every scheduled sit. You are not a passive observer of that process. You're an active participant. The family is counting on you to run the same play they're running at home.
This is also why it's worth having an honest conversation with the family before you start about whether you're actually comfortable doing this. Some caregivers are. Some aren't. It's a completely legitimate thing to discuss. What doesn't work is agreeing to help and then quietly undoing the process because it feels like too much during the day.
Once you're aligned with the parents, the practical side is manageable. A few things to make sure are ready:
The right equipment, in the right place. A potty seat insert on the toilet — with a step stool for foot placement — works well for most children and skips the step of transitioning off a standalone potty later. Make sure the setup at your location matches what the child is used to at home. Our supplies guide has specific recommendations if the family needs help choosing.
Easy clothing. Elastic waistbands only during active training. No snaps, buttons, overalls, or anything that creates a delay when a child needs to go immediately. This sounds minor. It isn't.
Cleaning supplies within reach. Accidents happen. Having what you need — wipes, a change of clothes, enzymatic cleaner for fabric — means you're not scrambling when it does. See our post on how to clean up potty training accidents for what actually works on different surfaces.
A communication loop with parents. Brief daily updates matter — "She stayed dry all morning, had one accident after lunch, last went around 2pm." That kind of information helps parents pick up where you left off. It also helps you if the child's pattern is shifting and you need to adjust the schedule.
This is common and it doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. Children test limits differently with different adults. Stay consistent. Don't negotiate, don't make it optional, and don't call the parents in a panic. "It's potty time" is a statement, not a question — apply it calmly and keep going.
If resistance is persistent and significant, let the parents know. That's useful information. It may point to something specific about the environment (the toilet at your location sounds different, flushes louder) or the child's anxiety level at transitions.
Your opinion about potty training methods matters — and it also isn't the deciding factor here. The parents lead. Your job is to implement their plan faithfully, not to substitute your own.
That said, if you're observing something that consistently isn't working, you can raise it. "I've noticed she seems to hold it longer when we do sits every hour — what if we tried every 45 minutes?" That's useful information shared collaboratively. That's different from quietly doing your own thing.
If a child in your care has autism, a sensory processing difference, a speech delay, or another diagnosis that affects how they communicate or respond to their environment, standard potty training advice will fall short.
Ask the parents specifically whether there are sensory considerations — around the sound of flushing, the texture of the seat, lighting, or the bathroom environment. If the family is working with a potty training consultant for their child's specific needs, make sure you're looped into what that consultant has recommended. Our overview post Special Needs Toilet Training: What Parents Need to Know is also a helpful read.
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This is worth talking about directly, because nannies are often the first to know when a family is genuinely stuck — and the most trusted voice to say it out loud.
Parents can be too close to the process to see it clearly. They're emotionally invested. They've been at it for months. They've told themselves it's almost working, that one more week will turn the corner. You have a different vantage point. You see the child in a different context, and you see the patterns without the same emotional charge.
If you're consistently seeing a child who is struggling — accidents that aren't decreasing, resistance that isn't softening, anxiety that's building around the bathroom — that's worth naming to the parents. Not as a criticism of what they've tried, but as an observation: "I've been noticing X. Have you thought about getting some outside support?"
That conversation, coming from a trusted caregiver who's been in the room, often lands differently than a well-meaning friend saying the same thing.
When you do suggest professional help, The Potty School is a natural recommendation. We work with families in-home and virtually, for neurotypical toddlers and children with complex needs. A consultation call starts at $282 for a 45-minute new client session — and in our experience, one well-timed consultation moves things further than months of trying alone.
You can also share our post Can You Pay Someone to Potty Train Your Toddler? with parents who aren't sure if professional support is even an option. It answers the question directly and explains exactly what working with us looks like.
Some of the families we serve found us because a nanny suggested it. We're grateful for that every time.
Sometimes the ask isn't "help us stay consistent" — it's "can you just handle this?" Families with demanding schedules, or families who feel overwhelmed, sometimes hope the nanny can take the lead entirely.
This can work, with the right setup. But a few things need to be true: the parents still need to be consistent on their end (you cannot train a child whose parents put diapers back on every evening), and you need to be fully briefed rather than figuring it out as you go.
If a family is asking you to lead the potty training process without a clear plan, consider suggesting a professional consultation first — so you're both working from a solid foundation rather than improvising. We can set that up. Book here or contact us with questions.
Should a nanny be responsible for potty training?
That depends on what the family and nanny agree to upfront. A nanny can play a critical role in maintaining consistency during training — but the family should lead the approach, and the nanny should be fully briefed before training begins. It's a reasonable topic to address when setting expectations for the role.
What do I do if a child has an accident during potty training?
Stay calm and neutral. Help the child clean up matter-of-factly — change clothes, note the time, move on without drama. Big reactions in either direction (frustration or excessive comfort) slow the process.
How do I get aligned with the parents on potty training?
Ask directly: what words do you use, what's the schedule, how do you handle accidents, are you using rewards, and where is the child right now? Match what they're doing at home as closely as possible.
What if the child won't cooperate during potty training at the nanny's house?
Stay consistent — "It's potty time" should be a calm statement, not a negotiation. If resistance is persistent, note the pattern and share it with the parents. It may point to something specific about the environment or transitions.
How do I suggest professional potty training help to parents without overstepping?
Frame it as an observation, not a verdict. "I've noticed X — have you thought about getting some outside support?" is collaborative. Nannies are often the most trusted voice in these conversations because parents know you're seeing the child clearly. If they're open to it, The Potty School is a great place to start — take the quiz or book a consultation.
Can I use HSA or FSA funds to pay for a potty training consultant?
That's a question for the family, not you — but if they're wondering, yes, most families can use HSA funds directly, and FSA with prior approval. Our post on insurance and potty training has the full breakdown.