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Here's something I hear from parents almost every week: "She pees on the potty no problem — but she will not poop."
Yep.
This is, hands down, one of the most common stalls in potty training. And it makes sense, if you think about it from your child's perspective. Pee is fast, small, and familiar. Poop is a different sensation — more pressure, more effort, and sometimes more discomfort. If it's hurt even once, a toddler will do everything in her power to avoid it happening again.
That avoidance is called withholding. And withholding, left unaddressed, turns into constipation. And constipation makes the next attempt even more painful. And more pain means more withholding.
Bingo. You're in a cycle.
The good news: you can interrupt it. Here's how.
They're related but not identical, and the distinction matters for how you respond.
Withholding is behavioral — your child is consciously (or semi-consciously) holding back a bowel movement because she's nervous or scared. You'll often see her crossing her legs, going stiff, or retreating to a corner. She needs to go; she's choosing not to.
Constipation is physical — the stool has become hard and dry because it's been sitting too long, making it genuinely painful to pass. Withholding that goes unaddressed typically leads here.
If your child is withholding, the first job is reducing the fear. If she's constipated, the first job is softening the stool so the next attempt isn't painful. Often, you're working on both at the same time.
If constipation is severe, persistent, or your child is in significant pain — please consult your pediatrician. What's here is practical support for the common, manageable version. It's not a substitute for medical advice.
This is the unglamorous answer and also the correct one. Hard stool is dehydrated stool. When kids aren't drinking enough water, everything slows down and dries out.
I know — getting a toddler to drink water is its own battle. We wrote a whole post on it: How to Get Your Child to Drink More Water During Potty Training →
And if you want product help — things like fun cups, straws, and water infusers that actually work — check out our Amazon storefront for constipation and hydration tips →
Not all fiber is created equal for toddlers. The goal is soft, bulky stool that moves easily. That means fruits (especially pears, prunes, and kiwi), vegetables, whole grains, and legumes — and backing off dairy and processed foods when constipation is active.
We've put together a full list of foods that help and hinder in this post: How to Prevent and Treat Potty Training Constipation →
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Toddlers often don't connect the "full" feeling in their belly to needing to go. They'll say their tummy hurts, or get cranky, or start squirming — and have no idea those are signals.
Your job is to name it for them: "It feels like your tummy needs to go. Let's sit on the potty and see." Keep it matter-of-fact, not urgent. Urgency reads as pressure, and pressure is the enemy here.
Establish a rhythm — sitting on the potty after meals is a natural, low-stakes starting point. The gastrocolic reflex (the body's natural urge to eliminate after eating) is real, and predictable timing takes the guesswork out for both of you.
This one surprises people, but it's genuinely one of the most effective changes you can make — especially for a child who is straining.
Here's the anatomy: sitting upright on a standard toilet tightens the puborectalis muscle, which partially closes off the rectum. Squatting fully relaxes that muscle, which is how the body was designed to eliminate. Western toilets put us in the wrong position.
A Squatty Potty® is a footstool that slides under the toilet and tilts your child's knees up into a proper squat angle while seated. It requires no effort from your child — they just sit differently. Medical professionals across the U.S. recommend it for patients with constipation.
The kids' version is sized specifically for little bodies. It makes pooping less effortful, less painful, and — this matters — less scary. A child who has had a comfortable experience on the potty is a child who is more willing to try again.
You can find Squatty Potty® on their website (free shipping on orders over $50), at Target, or on Amazon. They often have a 15% off coupon available when you sign up for their newsletter.
Why does my toddler hold poop during potty training?Usually fear — specifically, fear that it will hurt. This often starts after one painful experience, and the cycle reinforces itself: withholding leads to harder stool, harder stool leads to a painful experience, painful experience leads to more withholding. The fix is interrupting the cycle: soften the stool so the next attempt isn't painful, reduce pressure around the potty, and make sitting a neutral, low-stakes habit rather than a charged event.
Is constipation normal during potty training?It's common — not inevitable. The transition from diaper to potty changes a child's relationship to elimination, and some children respond by withholding. Diet, hydration, and position all play a role. Most cases resolve with the practical steps above. If constipation is severe, lasting more than a week, or causing significant pain, consult your pediatrician.
What foods help with constipation during potty training?High-fiber fruits are the most effective: pears, prunes, kiwi, and apricots. Vegetables like broccoli, peas, and sweet potato help too. Whole grains and legumes add bulk. During active constipation, reduce dairy and processed foods temporarily. Water is the non-negotiable — fiber without hydration can actually make things worse. See our full food guide here →
Does the Squatty Potty actually help kids with constipation?Yes — because it fixes the position, not just the symptom. Standard toilet seats create an angle that makes elimination harder. A footstool that tilts the knees up mimics a natural squat, relaxes the puborectalis muscle, and makes it physically easier to go. For children who are straining, it's often the single most effective change a parent can make.
My child poops in a diaper but won't poop on the potty — what do I do?This is withholding, not constipation — and it's one of the most common things we work on. The short answer: don't make the potty the battleground. Keep stools soft so there's no pain reinforcing the fear, establish a calm sitting routine, and be patient with the timeline. If you've been stuck for more than a few weeks, a consultation can help you see exactly what's blocking progress and what to do about it.
Still stuck? We'd love to help. Book a one-on-one consultation → — by phone, video, or in your home. Or jump into our Diapers to Flush membership → for ongoing support at your own pace.
~ Michelle, of The Potty School
When you think of potty training, think of The Potty School.
Or, for even faster assistance, you can join our Diapers-to-Flush online membership where you will get instant access to our 5-stage learning journey. Learn more here.
